Pretty and Ugly New York

On July 28 2006 hot tears rolled down when I said goodbye to the three dearest women in my world, my mother and my two little sisters, who have believed in me when none has done so. They have helped me to be the person whom I am.

My mother is a great woman. She let me fly out of her nest. She keeps telling me that I could shoot the moon and I must never look down. And when I dream I have to dream big.

“Keep going on Samar," my mother said. And if you will miss us, remember that we love you too she said.

It took me 12 hours From Queen Alia Airport to arrive J.F.K Airport.

The new world has opened its hands widely to the girl coming from Jordan, to discover the universe of unknown.

I did not want to come to New York City for the sake of New York. I have wanted to come here because I want to start my diplomatic career in the most fascinating multilateral destination, the United Nations, because I believe in its mission.

I live by myself, for the first time in my life, in a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan. It is still a taboo for a woman to live by herself in the Middle East. So this has been a revolution by itself.

I have gone through so far. I think there is the pretty New York and the Ugly one. I am trying to enjoy the first and reduce the negative effexts of the last.

The pretty New York has not only taught me to enjoy my company, but also to appreciate the company of my family and friends back home. And there will be a good friend who will pass by my apartment to drop me medicine while I am sick.

But the ugly New York has taught me that people may not be around to hang out with me when I am really lonely.

The pretty New York has taught me to be more independent and strong.
But the ugly New York has made me to be more cynical.

The pretty New York has taught me determination to learn swimming because I was going to die in Venice while visiting Italy last Easter. Poor my instructor David.

But the Ugly New York has showed me that there will be times when you celebrate your 28th birthday with acquaintances only.

The pretty New York has taught me that I am very pretty with my scarf because open-minded people want to know what is under this scarf which is my mind.

But the ugly New York has told me that I can be seen as an extremist or terrorist, and my scarf as a symbol of suppression by my male fellows in my society.

The pretty New York has taught me that I can do jigsaw when I am bored. And to follow the latest fashion. New York has helped me to discover my passion for cars, here I have started collecting small black ones, and dreaming about buying a red convertible Jaguar or Corvette.

But the ugly New York has showed me that everything has a very expensive price.

The pretty New York has taught me that I can go to Columbia University to start my graduate program on journalism and expand my dreams. It is crazily difficult.

But will I make it there?

I am still waiting for the ugly New York to teach me something concering this.

New York has not taught me to believe on myself. I am certain that I will make it in New York because I want to make it everywhere.